Monday May 29th, 2000

- Do you remember that day when I saw you by chance in ….. - Yes - It wasn't by chance, it was planned, it was my third time to come all this way trying to find you And he started telling her all what he has been hiding for a year and a half, he took her through all the days, hour by hour and minute by minute, he couldn't help it. Like a waterfall that cannot stop he went on telling her everything. She was silent, shocked and when he urged her to speak, all she said was: - But Meto, I do not deserve all this - Why do you think so? - I mean… I'm… I'm not that good of a person - Who said that I did all this because you are good - So how do you call this? - Love? - This can't be possible… for me you are nothing but a friend With that simple word she brought him down to earth in an unexpected collapse. He felt as if a cold steel hand was squeezing his heart, he couldn't think or speak. He felt as if he had just heard his sentence of death. She left announcing that this would be the last time they should meet, and he was left with an agony of pain to overcome, a broken heart to heal, a void where her love was, a longing to manage and a dark tomorrow where she will not be there. He left, walking alone in the silent night, a totally different person than the one who was almost flying on his way to meet her few hours earlier. He went home, had a last look at his sisters and decided that tomorrow shall not come if she will not be in it. A pharmacy student would think of one thing to end his life…

Tuesday June29th 1999!

They were walking by the sea in Alexandria, watching the sunset, their bodies touching every now and then, he was on fire! They walked a lot along the coast until it got dark and the full moon shone in the clear summer sky. They talked a lot, there was always something to say, something to share. That shy silent boy who rarely opened his mouth to say something was suddenly talking non stop, taking her into his life, allowing her access to the deepest parts of him, something he never did to anyone. Only one part he kept hidden in a dark corner of his heart, that heart that was starting to see the first light of love with her. He didn't tell her that he was in love with her, that he has been doing miracles to find her again, and he did it, and he came to Alexandria only to get the chance of spending some time with her, only few hours with her were enough to keep him alive for long time. He wanted time to stop, that was the happiest day in his life, he wanted these moments of silent passion to last forever, that was the happiness he has always heard about but never felt. Something inside him was urging him to tell her that he has been born the day he saw her for the first time, that he has been to that place over and over again just to revisit that incident, that he loves her and wants nothing else from this world, that suddenly the phone became his best friend because it connects them, he had a lot to say but he couldn't. He kept it in his heart for the fear of losing her was more than he could handle, just seeing her was the best thing that could ever happen to him. They had talked before about Titanic the movie, how they both shared the fascination and had exact views about it. He was preparing her a gift. before saying goodbye to her, he gave her a card carrying photos from the movie, with his own hand he has written "Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime and never let go till we're gone" He gave her the card looking in her beautiful dark eyes, telling her silently: "Love was when I loved you one true time I hold to in my life we'll always go on…"

Sunday January 24th, 1999!

How can anyone write about 10 years of his life in one post, or a hundred, or even a thousand? If there are 365 days in a year, and with each day adding something to that young, naïve and solitary boy, then I must need 3650 posts, assuming that I will not need to write about the hours within each day. Ten years have passed since that young boy left home one day in January heading to the most beautifully artistic place in Cairo, enjoying the cold weather and every minute of solitude, running to embrace the fine works of art and dreaming of going to Europe to have the real collection in its museums. Right in front of the only Van Gogh in Egypt, an encounter that was meant to change his life forever was already taking place. It was the twenty fourth of January 1999. A one sided love that filled his days with the first happiness of its kind, happiness that is not flavored with academic success or supported by praise from family or injected by envy from colleagues, a secret happiness that only he felt and enjoyed silently. Yes, he was happy, for the first time he knew what love is, that vague story that filled 4 years of his school life earlier was nothing compared to that new feeling. The following months proved to him that he was really in love, he was being transformed, just after two meetings he was doing wonders to reunite with that mysterious person that entered his life and disappeared without a trace. 1999 was the year of self discovery, he went as far as he could, risked all what could be risked at that time to follow what he was destined for, and yes he got what he wanted, for he is a Capricorn, strong willed and determined, and even at the age of 20 he was strong enough to search for the only person that made him feel this irresistible happiness, that only person that he didn't panic when she started to talk to him, that only person that did not freak from his funny clothes, shy looks and silent nature. That person that for the first time in his life told him in a subtle and indirect way "you are normal" for she also loved art, loved being alone, loved the books he reads and the songs he relate to and the movies he watch absorbingly. That day was a rebirth, a start of a journey that is still going on!

Flooded!

I'm not sure if I did the right thing by starting this series of posts. I've been crying on daily basis, whenever I see a comment I just burst into tears, and yes I am a 30 years old Egyptian man and I cry, I still cry and I hope I can always be able to cry! Flooded by all these emotions from people I know, very close people to me and from anonymous people I don't know who they are but I treasuer their comments because if they are carrying anything, they definitely are genuine, for anonymous people did not care of getting credit for telling me how they feel... And Salma, a7la 7aga fe 7ayaty, I don't know what to say, but do I need to say anything asslan??? You know it all and any words will just be silly compared to what I feel. I hope I can control these emotions and keep on writing this series. For everyone who took the time to read and comment, if I'm still alive in this place, it is because of your love. I only hope I deserve it and I ask God never to make me a source of disappointment to anyone who loves me. Ya Rabb!

Of Turning Thirty/Meto at Twenty!

In the year 1999 I turned twenty. If you had the chance to see me in this year you would have seen a totally different person. Young was the word to describe my age and my face but not my looks, with my extremely old fashioned clothes and glasses that I insisted to wear only to look older and with the sad deep look that I always carried, with the kind of books I used to read and whenever I opened my mouth to say anything -something that rarely happened- you would say "What's wrong with this boy?! he looks 16 and he sounds 50!!" I was silent most of the time, engulfed in my own world, talking to myself either silently or loudly most of the time and trying to keep away from people as much as I could. I never had friends at school, my attachment to studying and to be always the first kept me closer to my teachers and books but very far from my colleagues, and actually I didn't mind that, on the contrary, I used to see my colleagues as ridiculous and silly creatures who are shallow and dumb and who spend their valuable time doing useless things. I felt superior and far batter than them so they did not deserve even to say good morning to them or replying to anything they said. My world had no people except my family, mainly my mother and 4 sisters, and of all the members of my family, my little sister Salma was my pet. I took full charge of her when she was 2 and I was 14, I became responsible for anything related to her life, school, going out, reading, everything! At that age she was the only human being I got closer to, with her cheerful and life loving self she filled my days with happiness, I saw many things through her little innocent eyes and I spent my best times with her. Till this day I never feel she is my sister, she is my daughter, a piece of me and the dearest person to my heart. This weird character went with me to university and the fact that I was studying Pharmacy with all the abuse we had to go through from long tiring sessions to being victims to all kinds of psychological complexes that the professors suffered from and got on us, this added to my silent and inward solitude and resulted in this absurd character that I had. I recall that the worst time ever was the one when I had to work in a group to perform some lab work or to do an expriment where each student is supposed to coordinate with a team to get something done. Thank God my reputation as a very clever guy helped me to gain the trust of my colleagues that I will handle everything and they will just get the results, I gained their trust and respect but not their love, but did I care? My free time which was only in the summer holidays was spent in training; I worked in pharmacies, companies, medical labs, I just wanted to make use of every minute I have to get career-related knowledge. And going out meant going out alone or with my family, rarley with school colleagues who for sure found me very boring with my silence, my deep interest in books and my hate to football and sports, my inability to share their talks about cars and such things that teenagers find engaging. At that age I was extremely religious, I used to pray in the mosque as much as possible, walking always with the holly Koran and reading it in transportation and whenever I had any free time. My biggest dream was to bomb myself in palistine to gain a lifetime residence in paradise and do something useful with my anyway ending life, and if I couldn't do this, my more earthy dream was to graduate and have a career in research, finding a magical drug that cures one of the world's most deadly diseases, getting a Noble prize in medicine, getting married as soon as I graduate and have a big family with lots of daughters (probably that was the influence of Salma) So in short, at 20 I was this weird silent guy, wearing funny clothes, attaching passionately to religion, judging people by the way they dress and their grades at school, reading difficult books mostly classical novels of Arabic, English, French and German writers and living in my own world that no one had any access to, carrying a bad experience of one sided attraction to a beautiful girl at school who I never ever had the courage to go and talk to although her sister was my sister's best friend, loving her silently and writing her tears-drawing painful love letters that never reached her and suffering but enjoying in silence and solitude. I also had some attempts in writing, with several short stories and a long story with all the sadness and misfortunes that could happen to a hundred people all happening to one poor woman that I created as a character! In 1999 I turned twenty and in that year, a new me was being created! Keep following!

Of Turning 30!

Some days and I will be 30! Although I do not feel anything negative as I expected to feel or as people keep saying that I should feel old, ancient, life is going to end soon, the counter is now set to count down, I still do not feel any of such feelings. But for me the number 30 marks a stage in my life, and when I see myself 10 years ago, I see a different person, a 20 years old boy at school closed in his own world and totally accepting what life offers him. Now I'm different, many things happened in the last 10 years, many people entered my life and changed it, many people left me un removable scars and many others left me undeniable gifts. But all in all, I am a different person. In the next posts I will be sharing with you the main events that took place and the most influencing people who entered my life in the last 10 years, of course as much as possible as not everything can be shared on a web page that is open for the public. stay with me and get on board this trip, watching myself turning 30 :)

Great Museums of the World/the Jewish museum in Berlin

I have to admit that I’m not a fan of modern art, but for the first time in my life I am impressed by a museum that is nothing but modern. Unlike any other museums, the Jewish museum in Berlin is not just a place where you find pieces in display along with a brief explanations of what they are. Of course there is a department covering this, it is a museum after all, so you will find many things related to Jewish history in Germany , photos and data about famous Jewish figures, holocaust victims and many of their belongings. But the most impressing parts that really affected me and kept me inspired for days were the parts where you do not “see” things in display but rather become part of an experience. So, for example, you are directed to walk along very dark passages, linking to the hiding, loss and fear that the Jews had to experience during the Nazi regime. You reach a room where it is very dark and very small, something that imitates the rooms where they placed hundreds of people to be gassed to death! Another shocking thing was a corridor where you should walk on iron tiles, shaped like human faces in agony, linking to the mass graves they were burying the bodies in.(I couldn't do that) The most impressive piece was a huge board on the wall and you can only read the writings on it when you face a mirror and look at the board in your back, the writing was designed in such a way so that while reading you are seeing yourself and other people beside you in the same time, linking to the hiding that many people went through, and it is telling you no need to hide anymore. A major work of literature building on this is the diary of Anne Frank, but this needs another post. After the emotionally stressful yet inspiring 4 hours I spent in the museum, I needed a long walk, I was thanking God for being able to walk in the streets, to see and be seen by people, to breath fresh air, to see the sky and feel the wind, to be alive.

Great Museums of the World/Deutsches Historisches Museum (Berlin)

One of the most beautiful streets I have ever seen in my life is "Unter den Linden Street" in the heart of Berlin. The name of the street means "under the linden", we may be familiar with Linden tree as it is also called Tilia and in Egypt we know it as Telio (In Arabic it is called Zayzafon), a very effective herb for cough. This ancient street acquired its name from the enormous number of huge Linden trees growing on both sides, in spring you see the trees totally covered in yellow from the tiny flowers, falling on the ground and spreading a very pleasant smell in the air. But the street and its beautiful trees are not the main target of this post, I am writing this to take you with me to the building number 2 in the street, a very beautiful and ancient building whose commisioning started in 1695 under the reign of King Friedrich I of Prussia. Given this date, the building is the oldest in the street and one of the most beautiful monuments recording the baroque era in Germany. The building kept serving as a military-owned one till it became officially a museum of the army in the end of the 19th century. After suffering severe destruction during the Second World War, the building was reconstructed keeping its original form and decoration (like all the German buildings) and was officially opened as the Museum of German History in 1952 serving mainly to focus on the Mrxist-Leninist view of history, as it lay in the eastern part of Berlin, belonging thus to the communist East Germany. Now let's enter the museum and see what it has to offer us in display. For sure, a German museum would carry the extremely organised fashion of anything that is German. The museum is divided into sections, each one leading to the other, covering a certain period in history, having a special colour theme, arrows and signs everywhere to lead you to the pieces in chronological order and in each section there is a brief account of the German history along with the detailed description of the pieces. The first room covers the period 100 BC-1500 AC; Early culture and the middle ages. You will see Celtic weapons and tools, Anglo-Saxon coins, Gothic jewlery, very old versions of the bible, an ancient Atlas- like book dated to 1493. Then smoothly you move to the room covering the period from 1500-1650 giving an account of the Reformation (creating the protestantic christianity) and the thirty years war, with the famous portray of Martin Luther and a very unique metal armour. In the next room you get encountered by history of the period 1650-1789 covering the severe conflict on power between Prussia and Austria. The next room greets you with Napoleon's huge portrait in his glorious royal clothes as it covers the period 1789-1871 with the French revolution and its effect on the German empire, with the bases of democracy being established. You will also see the first steam machine dated 1847, Then you feel a huge leap in history with second room covering the period 1871-1918 as it focuses mainly on Bismarck, the famous German ruler who holds a very important place in German history creating a very powerful German Empire and also gives details of the First World War, in this room you will see in real and just in front of your eyes the first car ever invented, the Automobile dated 1898! Then the next room covers the post war period of 1918-1933, with a focus on the Weimar republic, the first real and full democratic republic in the German history, which fell apart when Hitler rose to power in 1933. This Nazi period has one of the biggest rooms, it covers the period of 1933-1945, with details of the horrors of the Nazi regime and the Second World War. Here I have to stop and express my awe, never in my life have I seen a nation as strong and courageous as the Germans, standing up, showing bravely their darkest part of history, stating clearly that it was a "dark" age for humanity, showing a full movie on the horrors of the Nazi party, killing innocent people, burning anything that stands for freedom of thinking and giving Europe and the whole world a nightmare of terrorism. Again, I was so impressed, overwhelmed by the account of history in this room, the 30 minutes movie played and all the pieces that account for this age including the German daily newspapers glorifying Hitler and his regime, the most touching of all rooms.... What a brave people they are. Back to our toor, we are now in the room covering the post war period of 1945-1949, only 4 years deserve a full department in a huge museum? Yes, they do, during this period Germany was under the Allied occupation, the country was split into two, West (ruled by UK, France and USA) and East communist one ruled by Russia. The room shows shocking photos of post war Germany, totally destroyed, not a single building in whole, famine and diseases everywhere. How can a destroyed divided country become one of the most developed, the heart of Europe in less than 50 years? Well the next and last room covering the period 1949 till modern times, giving a detailed account on the famous unification of the two countries after the breaking of the wall in 1989, and the speedy progress that the country has undertaken, becoming a world leader in economy, education, research, well we can say anything related to civilization. The last thing you see in the museum is a board saying that despite this huge progress that Germany has shown, it still has a long way to go in providing a "better" life to its citizens, paying back to the world for the terrible Nazi period and facing all the economical challenges ahead!!! I stayed for a little more than 5 hours in this building, enjoying every single minute, reacting with every single piece, adding more to my knowledge and great passion and respect to this great country and its people. A strange feeling of belonging was always accompanying me, I felt proud of the German inventions, of Bismarck, of Goethe, of the Weimar Republic, I felt ashamed of Hitler, of the war and all the innocent people burned in the holocaust. I felt proud of the strong people shocking the world by breaking the Berlin wall and unifying their separated country against the will of all the powerful countries. I felt.... well I couldn't help comparing Germany and Egypt, and then I had to run away from the place, going back to the beautiful street, switching on my i-pod to Beethoven's 5th Symphony and enjoying the rain and cold autumn of Berlin, telling myself, "enjoy ya Meto, give your mind a rest", if only I could. Are you still there? Good, keep with me for the next great museum.

HACKED!!!

My Yahoo mail and facebook account have been hacked. Strange things will be coming your way from both accounts so please ignore whatever you get from me on these two accounts. Really strange!!!

Destiny

I am destined, to attend the funeral of those whom I love, when they are still alive!

In the vicinity of Al Kaaba!

A strange but remarkable experience, a mixture of absurd feelings I never experienced before, a smell I will never forget and a crying session I haven't had in a long time.... It All happened by the Kaaba! I can not say that I'm this despertaley religious type of person, but I am a believer, of God. I love him, I talk to him, I feel there is a connection. Sometimes I am away from him, sometimes I'm angry at him, sometimes I do not understand why he does certain things to me or to other people, sometimes "baz3al menno" and many times I go back to him and talk, and cry, and share my thoughts... Crazy?? I don't think so, God is near, and I relate more to the Christian illustration of God, a loving father, who loves his childern unconditionably, and his forgiveness and love is much more prominent than his revenge and anger. So yesterday and after three days in Saudi Arabia -which I did not enjoy at all- I finally had the chance to visit Makka and see the Kaaba. I only saw it in photos and in TV, heard all kinds of people talking about their experience in pilgrimage and praying inside the Haram, and all my questions to those people were about the Kaaba, may be it is my passion for buildings, dead objects as a friend of mine once mentioned. Anyway, I entered the holly mosque, hurriedly prayed the welcome prayer and ran to the open area where the Kaaba stands. And my God... I literally froze... And I have no idea why, the Kaaba itself is a very simple cubical building, covered in black cloth with golden decorations of verses from holly Koran. In my life I have travelled a lot, have sen lots of breathtakingly beautiful scenes and awesome buildings, so what is there in such a moderate size cube covered in black??? No idea, I just stood there gazing, frozen.. did time stop, did I lose consciousness of the surroundings? I don't know exactly but all I remember was that I suddenly came back to life and I saw myself standing on the first step of the staircase, talking loudly to myself saying one thing "this is the Kaaba" and staring in amazement unable to move. Then came a very old white bearded man patting on my shoulder and as if he gave me the strength to walk and continue what I was there for, Omra. Starting with going around the Kaaba seven times, I was talking to God, asking him for manythings, and suddenly I started to cry, and again I have no idea why, I cried like I never did in a long time, it just came, I didn't start it, I didn't try to stop it and when I did I couldn't. It was 2 O'clock after midnight, the place was not that crowded and this allowed me the chance to go to the Kaaba and feel it with my hands, solid...stone...nothing is there, but a feeling, a very strange and new feeling has been transferred to me from my hands like electricity transfers in wires, and the crying got stronger and the feelings got more intense. I hardly detached myself from the magical building and continued the Omra rituals. strange enough, when I was in the second phase of Omra, Saay, where we should walk seven times between Safa and Marwa, I was walking in such a hurry, not because it is how we should walk there but because I wanted to go back to the Kaaba! Something happened with this building, it left something inside me, it touched me, it affected me, I ran back to it, held it again with both hands this time, absorbing the smell, sinking in the feeling, wanting time to stop and wishing I can have this feeling forever. I moved back, sat for long time just staring at the Kaaba and trying to figure out what's in it. I had a strong feeling to call all the people I like and tell them my experience, but it was limited to only my parents and small sister, I called and all what I could say among my tears was "I'm at the Kaaba, I don't want to leave it" Am I getting pagan or what? a thought that just crossed my mind while sitting there and starring endlessly at the absorbing scene, but no, deep inside I knew I'm not, it is God that I believe in....But believe me there is something magical in this place, you can feel it and it will be useless to try to describe it, words are not made to describe such things, they are felt, only felt....

My First Book is Born

I still can't believe that I wrote a book, had it published and celebrated its launch in an amazing event in my most favorite bookshop... To shocked to write about it...

My Book "Al Rehla" now in Bookshops

Finally my first short stories collection is born this month from OKTOB printhouse, it is currently in bookshops in Cairo....

My happiness cannot be described by words :)

Are books always better than their movies?

Although most people tend to prefer the book over the movie, still there are some examples where the movie was much better than the book it is based on. Take The Hours for example, the book by Michael Cunningham was published in 1998 and it won the Pulitzer prize for literature in 1999. The film appeared in 2002 starring Nicole Kidman as Virginia Woolf and granted her an Academy Award, Julianne Moore and Meryl Streep were nominated for the best co actress. The story is about three women in three different generations all affected by Virginia Woolf's master piece "Mrs Dalloway", the first woman is Virginia Woolf herself writing the novel (England 1923), the second is Laura Brown (LA 1949) who is reading the novel and preparing a party for her husband, and the third is Clarissa Vaughn (NY 2001) giving a party to her friend and former lover who won a prize for his book and who is also dying of AIDS. Although the book and the movie have more or less the same plot, watching the movie is a much more enjoyable experience than reading the book. The movie provided a better indulgence into each era, with carefuly chosen scenes, make up, film material, costumes and definitely in this case seeing would be much deeper than reading words and imagining how the word "drive" would involve this old car and how the word "kitchen" will be that illustrated in the three different houses, each carrying the legacy of its country and age. Philip Glass' music played a pivotal role in creating the perfect atomosphere for the themes of the film, as all characters share unhappiness, confusion, identity crisis and homosexuality, it is really one of the best soundtracks you can ever listen to, something the book could not provide. The movie was also the first to depict Virginia Woolf in person, Kidman's make up and acting was stunning and she really deserved the Oscar. The book is written in the stream of consciousness technique which, given its depth and huge psychoanalysis focusing on the characters rather than the events, is one of the most difficult styles to be converted into movie, but still the movie wins over the film big time. Could we conclude that whenever we are in front of a work that deals with past eras or famous figures, the movie with its ability to provide this visual experience would win over the book? Well, this is definitely a difficult question, but sometimes yes, the movie could provide the full picture and fill in the gaps that the book could not fill with words. Another example that fits with the above assumption is "Girl with a Pearl Earring", starring Scarlet Johansson and Colin Firth, based on the book by Tracy Chevalier. The story takes place in Delft, Holland in the 17th century when the great Dutch painter Jan Vermeer was working on his master piece Girl with a Pearl Earring that symbolises the Baroque era in painting. Again the movie with its scenes, costumes, music and facial expressions of the characters takes you really there, way more than the book does. Again, a book or a movie? The question remains and an absolute answer is not easy to be found.

KG2 Graduation in the Opera House!

It all started when my sister invited me to the graduation party of her son (KG2!!!) and I had the shock of my life when I asked her where it will be held, the answer was " The small hall, Cairo Opera House" I had to ask her several times and I even made her double check with the school that the party will be there and there it was. I went -extremely biased against the whole idea- and the evening was really disastrous. First of all, the parents were not allowed free entry, they had to buy tickets for 50 LE each! Then the entering scene was horrible, parents coming with children and babies who were fighting with the Staff as the Opera House regulations state that no children below 7 years old are allowed to enter (actually the oldest kid in the graduation party would never be more than 6!!!) After a lot of fighting, the parents forced themselves in, with no tickets or seats reserved, fights started among parents and with the Opera House staff, the performance started 45 minutes late, the theatre was not prepared at all, babies were crying all the time, Cameras were smuggled into the theatre against the approval of the staff as it is also against the Opera House regulations, most of the people were standing and taking photos of their children while waving and screaming... I think I have to stop myself as I can be going for the next 3 hours. Now and to add to all of this, the school headmistress expressed her deep happiness for having the graduation ceremony in the small hall and promised the audience to have it next year in the main hall. Now my question, should the opera house be a place for such events? Should regulations be that flexible that they can be deviated in such a vulgar way? Is it all about making money? Would the Opera House -a gift from Japan that the Egyptian government did not pay a single penny to establish- be added to the endless list of falling icons, losing its meaning and be a source of money? I was really so furious with what happened that I had to leave before the end of the show (I really don't know what to call it) feeling very sorry for what is happening to one of my very few favorite places in this suffocating town. They can't build an Opera House and even when they have one as a gift they can't keep it, the first was burned down and the second is turning into club, I wonder what's next... But there is always a silver lining to the cloud, guys, why don't we add the Opera House theatres to the list of places where we can have Birthdays and proms, if they host KG2 graduation ceremony they definitely wouldn't mind any other sort of events, as long as you pay the money ! The country is moving!!!

Folktales from Europe/ Hans Christian Andersen

From Germany to Denmark, following folk tales in Europe. Can we talk about folk tales without mentioning The Ugly Duckling, The Little Mermaid, and The Emperor's New Clothes? These and many others of such fairy tales that enchanted us as children and lived across centuries, were written by the greatest fairy tale writer, Hans Christian Andersen (1805-1875) Andersen was born in Odense, Denmark. As a young boy, he had great intelligence, imagination a passionate love for literature. He made himself a small theatre and some wooden puppets, where he spent hours making clothes for then and using them in performing plays, mostly of Shakespeare. At the age of 11, his father died and he had to work in a cigarette factory where he was humiliated by his fellows for being of soft and sensitive nature, that they always called him a girl. After working as an actor and singer in Copenhagen, and there his talent as a writer and poet start to be noticed till his collection of fairy tales was published in 1836. His collection gained him instant success and love by children, soon it was translated to English and they are still being sold in millions of copies each year. Andersen fell ill in 1872, shortly before his death in August 1875, he consulted a composer about the music for his funeral, saying: "Most of the people who will walk after me will be children, so make the beat keep time with little steps." Unlike most of the fairy tales, Andersen's have a great deal of emotions and sadness within the plot. Not all of them have happy endings and some are really very melancholic. This could be attributed to his miserable childhood and unhappy personal life. His ugly physique and being humiliated by his companions as a child followed by dazzling success and fame when he grew up is closely linked to his masterpiece, The Ugly Duckling, which is believed to be Andersen's own biography. Below is a link for the enchanting tales in perfect English translation, I strongly recommend The Little Mermaid and The Ugly Duckling, I know we have heard them or have seen them as cartoons, but trust me, reading them from their original source is something else. http://hca.gilead.org.il/

Folktales from Europe/ The brothers Grimm

Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty, Little Red Riding Hood, Tom Thumb and many other children's tales that are linked in our mind to Walt Disney are originally German. They first appeared in a collection of German folk tales published in 1812 as Kinder- und Hausmärchen (Children and household tales), now known as Grimm's Fairy Tales. The tales come from a legacy of German folk tales that were transferred by word of mouth through generations, the collection represent the first work to collect them in a book. And soon it was translated to English The Brothers Grimm, Jacob (1785–1863) and Wilhelm Karl (1786–1859), were born in Hanau in Germany, the inseparable brothers attended school in Kassel, and studied law at the University of Marburg. They were both fascinated with the German legacy of traditions and folk tales as well as the German language. They had received their stories from peasants and villagers, where Jacob did the research, while Wilhelm put it into literary form in childlike style. Their fascination with their own language was the main cause behind their huge work, the first dictionary of German language, Deutsches Wörterbuch that was completed years after their death and now is compared to the Oxford dictionary of English language. But what is the reason behind their passion for the German history and language that made such university professors work on collecting fairy tales for children. This can be explained if we notice their life in this era when Napoleon invaded Europe and was re-organizing Germany. At that time, the nation of Germany did not exist and the only thing that could unite the Germans into one nation was a common language, so the brothers Grimm used the German language and its legacy and history to create and keep a German identity. In 1937 Walt Disney produced the Disney's version of snow white as Snow White and the seven Dwarfs, without any notification that the story is originally from German folktales and specifically from the Grimm's collection. That was just the start for many of these tales to be taken by Disney and produced under his name, even the castle that Disney uses as its logo is originally a German Castle in Munich…. America, what else can we expect….. Below is a link that takes you into the magical world of Grimm's fairy tales, so hit it and enjoy… http://www.familymanagement.com/literacy/grimms/grimms-toc.html

Folktales from Europe/ Aesop and La Fontaine

One of the oldest collections of folk tales is Aesop's fables. Written by Aesop, a slave who lived in Ancient Greece, the fables represent one of the oldest tales that personify animals. Aesop was mentioned by great Greek figures like the historian Herodotus, the philosophers Plato and Socrates and the dramatist Aristophanes. Historians believe that many of the tales were written to criticize and make fun of authorities and aristocracy, something that caused Aesop to lose his life after being sentenced to death for such act. As children, we were brought up listening to many of these tales like The Boy who cried "wolf!", The Tortoise and the Rabbit, The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing, The Ant and the Grasshopper, and many others. Each tale has personified animals that play the roles and although they are mainly regarded as children's tales, the morale from them shows wisdom and philosophy of great depth, something that made Aesop's fables still alive till our time. It is from these tales that we are still attributing some traits to animals like the lion as king of the jungle, the cunning fox…etc One of my favorite tales that –in my point of view- carries a lot of depth is The Fox and the Grapes, where a fox sees a cluster of ripe red grapes hanging on a vine. Seeing the delicious grapes, he desired them a lot but they were too high for his reach. After a lot of trials, the fox walked away telling himself "the grapes are sour anyway". The morale of the story says that it is always easy to despise what you cannot get. But how did Aesop's fables remained alive and reached our lands after all this time? The first translation of the fables into Latin is dated back to the Fourth Century AD, about a hundred years later; they were translated into English from which they were translated to almost all spoken languages including Arabic. One of the most famous collections of fables, the fables of La Fontaine, was mainly influenced by Aesop's tales. Jean de La Fontaine (1621-1695) was a poet who lived in France and produced a collection of tales very similar to those of Aesop, written in poetical form and are still studied by scholars till our days as a milestone of French literature. The Fables of Aesop and La Fontaine represent some classical forms of folk tales, simple and short as they are, they still carry the depth of ancient Greek and French Philosophy. Below are links to the collections, so start reading and enjoy! http://www.aesopfables.com/ http://www.aesopfables.com/aesopjdlf.html

Feminism in literature/ Taslima Nasrin

"If I disclose my destination my security will be compromised. My face has now become recognizable and I could be target of religious fundamentalists". That was her last sentence to the press before hiding in Stockholm protected by the Swedish government on March 18th 2008. Born in August 1962 in Mymensingh, Bangladesh, Taslima Nasrin studied Medicine and started her career as a gynecologist where she routinely examined young girls who had been raped. This and other incidents made her switch to writing where she is now considered one of the most controversial female writers, mainly for her strong attack religions in general and Islam in particular. She is also considered as one of the strongest and most famous feminist figures world wide. Taslima's literary works started in 1986 with poetry collection. Her name started to draw attention when she started writing columns in the weekly magazine Khabarer Kagoj , where she started voicing out her anti-Islam thoughts and believes that caused controversy throughout Bangladesh. During this stage her feminist style began to develop. Her literary fame came with her short novel titled Lajja or shame, where through graphic description of the rape of a Hindu girl by a Muslim man, she thoroughly raised the issue of the marginalized Hindu community in Bangladesh. Later on, she rewrote the novella making it into a 200 pages novel. The government banned the book and all her works and Islamic fundamentalists worldwide claimed her blood. In 1993 she was charged with blasphemy and after the trial she went into exile in many countries until she ended in Calcutta, India. And even there, she has received several death threats and the Islamic head priest of Calcutta announced offering money to anyone who would "blacken" Taslima's face, a ritual carried out in India in order to publicly humiliate someone. During her course of life, Taslima has received public criticism and has been regarded as an attention seeker, a person with sinister motives, a Jewish spy and she has been physically attacked several times. Growing public hatred from the Muslim community in India that was manifested into violence and even reached the point of causing a political crisis between the two countries made her life in India practically impossible that she had to escape to Europe a month ago. "Nature says women are human beings, men have made religions to deny it. Nature says women are human beings, men cry out NO!" Taslima's feminist believes are focused around the criticism of Islam and how it views women where her autobiographical novels revolve around the oppression of women in Islam. Her works include 12 poetry collections, 4 essay collections, 7 novels and 7 autobiographical works. Hated and fought against by most of the Muslim world, Taslima has many supporters world wide, her novels are widely spread and translated into many languages, and she received several awards from Europe and USA that was crowned with the Simone de Beauvoir feminist award in 2008.

Feminism in Literature/ Simone de Beauvoir

Back to France in the early 20th Century. A lawyer was living a humble life with his wife and two daughters in Paris. He has always hoped to have a son so he passed his passion for theatre and literature to his first daughter and always told her that she had a brain of a man. At the age of 15, Simone de Beauvoir decided she will be a famous writer; she has already been a brilliant student with a special interest in philosophy which she continued studying in the Sorbonne. It was at that time that she met and fell in love with the great French philosopher and writer, Jean-Paul Sartre. On the final examination, she took the second place after him, and although the jury declared she deserved the first place, yet they had to give it to the man. At that time, she was 21 and she was the youngest student to get that degree. Simone and Sartre spent the rest of their life together in an open relationship, they never got married, they never believed in God or religion and they toured the world advertising for freedom and liberation of the mind. They met the great Revolutionary Guevara and they were greeted in Cairo where they both gave lectures in its great university and had several meetings with intellectuals of that age but were rather fascinated with Taha Hussein. While Sartre was the God father for the existentialism movement and philosophy, de Beauvoir had her own interest for women liberation that she is considered by critics a pioneer of feminism. In 1949, she published her book The Second Sex, a feminist manifesto in which she elucidates on her own conceptual believes regarding women oppression in society. She argues that women are always regarded as the Other in the male dominated social construction, this has limited women's success by maintaining the perception that they are a deviation from the normal. She focused on her belief that women are as capable of choice as men, and thus can choose to elevate themselves and move beyond their current status into a higher condition where one takes responsibility for oneself and the world, where one chooses one's freedom. By her death in April 1986, she has left 23 works of literature including novels, short stories and other non fiction works, all focusing on women and their liberation.

Feminism in Literature/ Virginia Woolf

From 19th century France to 20th century England, and exactly on March 28th 1941, a fine spring day when Leonard Woolf went back into his house after some hours of working in the garden to find a letter from his wife written on her favorite blue paper. By the time he had finished reading the letter, his wife’s body was already sinking down the river near their home in East Sussex . Virginia was born in London on January 25th, 1882. Her father was a literary figure himself, a famous critic and biographer and well connected to the known writers of his time like Henry James and George Eliot. As a victim of child abuse and incest, made worse by the loss of her most beloved family members at a young age and being sensitive by nature, Virginia was fertile soil for bipolar illness – a mental condition characterized by periods of extreme and unpredictable mood states, alternating between mania and depression in variable durations. A strong correlation exists between bipolar disorders and creativity. Her own mental illness also gave her expertise to master the technique of internal dialogue, where the writer focuses on the characters rather than the plot. The events are usually displayed through deep personal feelings, experiences and psychoanalyses of the characters. Her characters alternate between thoughts and feelings and linking past memories with present moments, where those memories and moments play pivotal roles in her novels. She is famous for diffusing the boundaries between normal and abnormal, reflecting her disturbed mind that lost clear boundaries between reality and illusion. She explores both the conscious and subconscious states of her characters, focusing on the overlap between internal and external realities. With the outbreak of the Second World War, the destruction of her home in London and the fear of a German invasion to England , she started to get very strong migraine attacks and to suffer from insomnia. Her condition deteriorated until she finally took her own life, leaving a legacy of literary works including 9 novels among which are the most famous To the Lighthouse and Mrs. Dalloway, a collection of short stories titled A Haunted House and several non fiction works. In 1929, Virginia published her long Essay, A Room of One's Own, based on a series of lectures she gave in Cambridge University . Considered as a milestone of feminist writings, the book examines whether female writers can be as equally great in writing as William Shakespeare. In this book she created a female character, Judith and called her Shakespeare' s sister who has a gift exactly as that of Shakespeare but was faced by only closed doors that were open only to men. She also examines the life of female writers like George Eliot, Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. The title of the book comes from Woolf's conceptual belief that, a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction. Finally, I leave you with the letter she wrote to her husband before she commits suicide, considered by critics as a literary work of its own and some even described it as the most wonderful love letter ever written. Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier till this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been. V. P.S the above post is an adaptation of the article I wrote on Virginia Woolf in The Art Review Magazine, issue 7 titled the mad issue with special focus on Madness vs Creativity. Check the website for further information www.theartreview. com

Feminism in Literature/ George Sand

France, sometime in the 19th Century, a beautiful woman was always seen walking through the streets of Paris, dressed in men's clothes, her hair short like men, smoking and having access to places where women at that time were not allowed to go. She was a famous writer whose relations with great French figures as well as another homosexual relation with an actress gave the aristocratic society of Paris a full meal for gossip that satisfied their appetites for scandals. That was the Baroness Aurore Dudevant, known in literature as George Sand, the most famous French female writer of the 19th Century. One of the early figures of Feminism, George Sand's marriage to the Baron Dudevant and her two children Maurice and Solange did not prevent her from boldly leaving her husband and pursuing her flamboyant life that she wanted. In an attempt to mock the male dominated society, she enjoyed dressing and behaving like men in public. She even had her own male pseudonym, she got the last name from the novelist Jules Sandeau with whom she was in an intimate relationship that did not last long but brought to literature her first novel Rose et Blanche which they wrote together and had it published in 1831. She continued writing till her death in 1876 leaving 35 novels, 8 plays and 5 other works of literature, history and biography. Her famous novel, Indiana, tells the story of an unhappy wife who struggles to free herself from the imprisonment of marriage where she called it a form of slavery. Many of her novels, such as Valentine and Lélia, shocked the readers at that time with their frank exploration of women's sexual feelings and their passionate call for women's freedom to find emotional satisfaction. In spite of being a wonderful writer, many critics believe that her masterpiece is her 900 pages autobiography and of course she is most famous for her personality and lifestyle as well. George had several love affairs with famous men in Paris, including Jules Sandeau, Alfred de Musset, Frédéric Chopin, and others. She was friends with Eugène Delacroix, Franz Liszt and of course, most famously, with Chopin where they had a complicated relationship, going from friends, to lovers, to finally ending up in something more like a mother-son relationship which was one of the most intriguing and unlikely in history. Her books had a strong effect on literary figures like Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Dostoevsky, Proust and others. The Great Russian writer, Turgenev described her saying "What a brave man she was, and what a good woman." And she was described by de Musset as "the most womanly woman". Baudelaire, on the other hand was against her to the point of insulting her in public saying "She is stupid, heavy and garrulous. Her ideas on morals have the same depth of judgment and delicacy of feeling as those of janitresses and kept women... The fact that there are men who could become enamored of this slut is indeed a proof of the abasement of the men of this generation." That was George Sand, a rebellious, cross-dressing, cigar-smoking, scandalously-acting woman writer who lived at a time that was certainly much more of a man's world, a woman who was not afraid to be herself come what may. Finally I end with her very famous quote "There is only one happiness in life, is to love and be loved."

Feminism in Literature/ Sappho

Although Historians and Critics date the first wave of the Feminism movement to the end of the nineteenth century, Feminist writing started thousands of years before that and hundreds of years BC. The oldest of such writings belong to the great Greek female poet and writer, Sappho. Sappho was born in the island of Lesbos in ancient Greece sometime between 630 and 612 BC. Not much is known or confirmed about her life but she is believed to be an aristocrat leading a good life that made her free to experience and write. She also had her own political activities that sent her to exile in Sicily. Coming from Greece, the land of lyrics, Sappho had her own innovative style and she is believed to have composed the music to be accompanying her poetry while performed on theatre. Her style is very melodic and most of her works deal with love, loss, separation and other romantic issues and even some of her works were homoerotic. This brings us to a very controversial part of Sappho's life and works which is female homosexuality. Sappho's works are famous for their homosexual content and most of her poems are love poems from her to many other females. The word Lesbian that is still used to describe female homosexuals is actually derived from Lesbos, the island where she used to live, but this was not a problem at her time as she was living in the ancient Greek society that honored homosexuality among men and women. Regardless the content, Sappho is considered one of the most famous female poets and although she was born over 2000 years ago, her works are still read and studied. Finally, I leave you with one of her works: I have not had one word from her Frankly I wish I were dead When she left, she wept a great deal; she said to me, "This parting must be endured, Sappho. I go unwillingly." I said, "Go, and be happy but remember (you know well) whom you leave shackled by love "If you forget me, think of our gifts to Aphrodite and all the loveliness that we shared "all the violet tiaras, braided rosebuds, dill and crocus twined around your young neck "myrrh poured on your head and on soft mats girls with all that they most wished for beside them "while no voices chanted choruses without ours, no woodlot bloomed in spring without song..."

The Lamp (from the sayings of Jesus)

"No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light" Luke 8:16

A Candle in The Heart!

There is a candle in the heart of man, waiting to be kindled. In separation from the lover, there is a cut waiting to be stitched. O, you who are ignorant of endurance and the burning fire of love---- Love comes of its own free will, it can't be learned in any school. From the poetry of Rumi...

A New Story

I have finished the initial script for a new story, I haven't chosen the title yet. Finding the right title could take me months and it is really much more difficult than writing the story and designing the characters. In the new story I'm tackling one sided love and how powerful human beings can be in hiding their feelings. Wish me luck to find the right title soon

Lady Chatterley's Lover

Can we live without sex? Is there really a contrast between the mind and the body or they compliment each other? What happens when an aristocratic Lady decides to give away her life that is "all mind" and open up to her physical self, with a common man from a working class? Can a relation of tenderness, physical pleasure and mutual respect exist between those two lovers? All these questions and many other related ones form the plot of the novel Lady Chatterley's Lover written by the British writer D H Lawrence (1885-1930) and considered as his masterpiece and extremely controversial book. The book is full of explicit sexual scenes, extremely physical, with illicit descriptions and all the obscene words you can imagine. The book was written in 1928, revealing much of the hypocrisy of the aristocratic life of England at that time, portraying a sexual relationship that grows between an aristocratic lady and a common man when both are married and of course the sexual content were all reasons behind banning the book that was not published in the UK until 1960 by Penguin Print House, an action that lead the publishers to court in what was known as the Obscenity Trial. The publishers were demanded to prove that the book is one of literature otherwise they would be sentenced to a verdict. A committee was assigned to evaluate the book and finally the verdict was "Not Guilty" No wonder when one of the important members of the evaluating committee was the famous British writer E. M. Forseter, known for being homosexual, having his own works with sexual content and one of the most famous works of gay literature, Maurice. Lawrence himself, although has been married, had some homosexual encounters in his life and like all his works, Lady Chatterley's lover has a female at the center of events. Constance Chatterley, an aristocratic lady who is forced to live a life of mind with her disabled husband gets encountered with Mellors, her husband's game keeper. Slowly but profoundly they start a sexual relationship that brings both of them happiness, not because of the sex alone but because….. Well I do recommend you read the book yourself, thanks to the freedom our age is currently having, it is available everywhere now and also online (link below) One last thing, although the book is full of sexual scenes, it is not really all about sex, read it and you will see. Finally I end this long email with the first lines of the book: "Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen. This was more or less Constance Chatterley's position. The war had brought the roof down over her head. And she had realized that one must live and learn."

From my diary about 2007

A new year is starting today, in the last year many things happened to me, good and bad, pain mingled with happiness, shocks with illusions, experiences here and abroad but above all, an increased self awareness and corrections for many mistakes. I've always labelled the year 2000 as the toughest year of my life, but last January changed this with the shock it brought me and with hosting the darkest days of my life, surprisingly enough, followed by the best days of my life when I spent three months in Europe. February saw me carrying my suitcase and seeking refuge in Germany where I found parts of myself by the lake in Muenster, in Beethoven's house in Bonn, in the cathedral of Cologne and in the opera house of Berlin. Visiting Holland and Belgium was another event to be celebrated and again I found parts of myself in Anne Frank's house and Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, starring at The Girl with a Pearl earring in the Mauritz house in The Hague and with my friend Birger in Brussels. Easter in Germany was an unforgettable experience and the love and support I had from the people there was more than I really thought I could get or even deserve. May witnessed me coming back home with a 55 Kg suitcase full of things and a mind and heart full of memories. The summer started with a tremendous wave of depression and absurd nostalgic feelings to Europe in general and Germany in particular, to the places where I never felt like a foreigner and found ultimate happiness. Summer that I hate rewarded me for that by strange encounters and mjor question marks, most of which haven't been answered yet. But August sent me to Switzerland where in that beautiful country and over its amazing Alps I found more parts of me, a week later I was in Munich and Salzburg wondering if life could ever be more rewarding. In September I had to say good bye to my best friend wishing him all the best in his new life and career in Germany and spending the whole month of Ramadan trying to handle the emptiness his departure left me and the longing I had for him, something that brought me closer to God. October found me in London walking through its streets grasping parts of me in The National Gallery, by the river Thames, on the Tower Bridge, in Hyde park and with the company of my dear friend David. November brought me an unpleasant experience but then made it up to me with a trip to Tehran where I enjoyed the wonderful country and the company of my sweet friend Beno. Then along came December, with a welcoming winter that was long waited for, with a new light that only God knows where it would take me and with lots of hopes and fears but above all, with an unbreakable will and a mighty belief in myself, supported by the love and care I get from people around me and my faith in God. Then starts 2008, and may all my wishes for this year come true... Happy New Year