Destiny

I am destined, to attend the funeral of those whom I love, when they are still alive!

In the vicinity of Al Kaaba!

A strange but remarkable experience, a mixture of absurd feelings I never experienced before, a smell I will never forget and a crying session I haven't had in a long time.... It All happened by the Kaaba! I can not say that I'm this despertaley religious type of person, but I am a believer, of God. I love him, I talk to him, I feel there is a connection. Sometimes I am away from him, sometimes I'm angry at him, sometimes I do not understand why he does certain things to me or to other people, sometimes "baz3al menno" and many times I go back to him and talk, and cry, and share my thoughts... Crazy?? I don't think so, God is near, and I relate more to the Christian illustration of God, a loving father, who loves his childern unconditionably, and his forgiveness and love is much more prominent than his revenge and anger. So yesterday and after three days in Saudi Arabia -which I did not enjoy at all- I finally had the chance to visit Makka and see the Kaaba. I only saw it in photos and in TV, heard all kinds of people talking about their experience in pilgrimage and praying inside the Haram, and all my questions to those people were about the Kaaba, may be it is my passion for buildings, dead objects as a friend of mine once mentioned. Anyway, I entered the holly mosque, hurriedly prayed the welcome prayer and ran to the open area where the Kaaba stands. And my God... I literally froze... And I have no idea why, the Kaaba itself is a very simple cubical building, covered in black cloth with golden decorations of verses from holly Koran. In my life I have travelled a lot, have sen lots of breathtakingly beautiful scenes and awesome buildings, so what is there in such a moderate size cube covered in black??? No idea, I just stood there gazing, frozen.. did time stop, did I lose consciousness of the surroundings? I don't know exactly but all I remember was that I suddenly came back to life and I saw myself standing on the first step of the staircase, talking loudly to myself saying one thing "this is the Kaaba" and staring in amazement unable to move. Then came a very old white bearded man patting on my shoulder and as if he gave me the strength to walk and continue what I was there for, Omra. Starting with going around the Kaaba seven times, I was talking to God, asking him for manythings, and suddenly I started to cry, and again I have no idea why, I cried like I never did in a long time, it just came, I didn't start it, I didn't try to stop it and when I did I couldn't. It was 2 O'clock after midnight, the place was not that crowded and this allowed me the chance to go to the Kaaba and feel it with my hands, solid...stone...nothing is there, but a feeling, a very strange and new feeling has been transferred to me from my hands like electricity transfers in wires, and the crying got stronger and the feelings got more intense. I hardly detached myself from the magical building and continued the Omra rituals. strange enough, when I was in the second phase of Omra, Saay, where we should walk seven times between Safa and Marwa, I was walking in such a hurry, not because it is how we should walk there but because I wanted to go back to the Kaaba! Something happened with this building, it left something inside me, it touched me, it affected me, I ran back to it, held it again with both hands this time, absorbing the smell, sinking in the feeling, wanting time to stop and wishing I can have this feeling forever. I moved back, sat for long time just staring at the Kaaba and trying to figure out what's in it. I had a strong feeling to call all the people I like and tell them my experience, but it was limited to only my parents and small sister, I called and all what I could say among my tears was "I'm at the Kaaba, I don't want to leave it" Am I getting pagan or what? a thought that just crossed my mind while sitting there and starring endlessly at the absorbing scene, but no, deep inside I knew I'm not, it is God that I believe in....But believe me there is something magical in this place, you can feel it and it will be useless to try to describe it, words are not made to describe such things, they are felt, only felt....